(This was a quest for Kaleb, it amused me so I thought I'd post it for you all to chuckle at, white font is Alltooserious, red is Me!)

The village was a quiet agrarian place with dusty streets and a large commons where sheep would graze. It was usually a hub of activity in this bountiful harvest season. People would be heading to and fro to take in and best preserve the grain, Slaughter the animals they could not keep over the winter, and celebrate the good year. But when Kaleb approached, there was nothing. He could smell humans but see none. Were they hiding? He would also be able to smell blood and quivckly be able to find a source of it. The large ranch style entranceway to the village was covered, literally wrapped in the twisted remains of villagers. Using hemp and wire, whoever had done this had covered every inch of the welcoming half circle in former villagers, their blood forming the ground beneath it into a mud. These wore the motley uniforms of local militia, their rustic weapons were all broken in a pie, smoldering away in the coming night. Beyond the smoldering weapons was a path of dead sheep, turned inside out with their rib cages splayed to form a kind of white and red wings stretching upward. These lead toward the village well. Something effed up was happening here.

Kaleb was taking notes. Whoever had done this was the fucking picasso of the century. He had everymind to make this bastard his best friend rather than go lopping its head off. What skill, what artistry.. A peice of straw hung out of Kaleb's mouth. His thumb wiping away a singular tear at the beauty that lay around him. He wondered if Larathia got off on shit like this.. You know, doing it on a bed of bleeding meatbag organs... That kinky kind of shit... Kalebs right hand grabbed hold of Nefarious' hilt, she already was red with envy a smile on his face as he would wander every so slowly inside. Dressed in the typical greaves and bracers  as his eyes took in the buildings around him, where was this fucker hiding.. "Heeere kitty kitty kitty kitty..." Kissy noises heard from his lips as he awaited any sign or sound of this reject runaway..

Kitty it was not. It was something far worse. Wholeheartedly unafraid of him to boot. A pale white hand ending in blood clotted metallic claws slowly crept ut of the well to dig effortlessly into the stone. Then a second. The claws were bolted to the blue white flesh, the wounds showing gangrenous dark veins where they were attached. A head came out, a caricture of what a vampire ought to be. Eyes sunken and blazing red in the ris, cheeks nothing but dark starved hollows, and fangs that protruded far from bluish shrunken lips. Hairless, it climbed out in a shudder inducing spider crawl. It sat on the ground and grabbed a sheep to lift it to its mouth and tear at the flesh. IT got down several large chunks of organ and skin only to vomit them to the side immedietly. Driven by hunger, it did so again. Vomiting again. To its body was bolted more armor, directly to the flesh of the vampiric victim. Whoever this had once been, it was no longer.

Hmm, Kaleb almost wished the cretin before him was Odd Vesper... Least he would know the fight would then be epic. "Baldy!... Dinner time!" His left hands thumb running across nefarious to draw a line of red. The smell of warm copper would be more than enough to draw the bastard out further.  His eyes looked quickly around him, pointing out to one structure in particular.. The thing looked about ready to fall apart... Good.. Kalebs feet motioned backwards towards the house. Who knew what was in there more bodies? Kaleb flicked some of his blood towards a mutilated sheep. To see how good the bugger could decipher between blood samples.

ITs head perked up and it crawled toward the other sheep, sniffling and drooling on it. He looked at him and instead of rising it lept into the air. Fifteen feet into the damn air. Then it landed right in front of him with a flash of deadly metal clashes, slashing and cutting. It was quicker than shit.

Well... That wasn't good... Kaleb was slashed and cut to death... Game OVer do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars... Yea, right. While the moron decided to go free falling Kaleb watched it begin to decend. Just as it landed, Kaleb gave a quick horizontal slash, while making sure the swing was used to distracted and counter those claws of fury, his right foot jerked back, and his left foot would slide in anticipation just as it landed. But with how quickly this fucker moved, Kaleb could not fully escape, left forearm raised as the sound of metal scratching against metal was heard. His bracer give four lines as it a can opener had be taken to it. Soon after the Vampire would be able to smell the blood from the light wound.. Kaleb wouldn't be able to hide. But with him constantly moving backwards he would reach that house, and with that hold The Vampire would be unable to out run him. Speed never worked in a close quarters fight. or did it?

The vampire took great joy in causing any wounds. See it did not operate on making one large god damn wound on Kaleb to killing him. No that was not evil enough. It would make a thousand small ones so he would bleed out through such a plethora of holes in him that he would mist himself to death. Then he would be eaten to slake the mad things eternal neverending hunger. Eaten, torn apart, the very skeleton ravaged to give a momentary peace to the tortured creature. It parried that slash with ease and hissed at him, throwing rotted meat spittle at the werewolf. It did not seem to mind he was heading toward a house but the living occupants sure as hell did. A door would slam behind Kaleb amidst the sounds of whispered panic. Everyone was not dead at all, it seemed.

Fuckers... THey didn't know Kaleb very well then...Were there windows? Of course there was... Was it open? Mostlikely now but that never stopped Kaleb, and Aramaki could attest to that. Through the window he would go. Hoping those dutiful citizens were still within, he would grab for one as he stood up. Whether it be man, woman, or child, they were now his human Meatshield. His left hand morphing just enough to reveal claws as they would dig into the back of the Humans neck. If the peice of shit wanted at taste of Kaleb then fine... Kalebs blood would begin to dampen the humans attire, now adding his scent over the peasants. Hopefully this was distraction enough.

the human screamed in terror at both parties. Not that Kaleb was anymore less terrifying than the beast. The two others, a woman and child, fled back for the root cellar as the man was held fast. The creature ...disapeared. Seemingly. No sound, nothing. It was eearily quiet. That was before a clawed hand reached through the roof thatch above Kalebs head to grab for him.

Note to self... Comb your hair.. Metal claws giving Kaleb quite the close hair cut... actually too close, the fuckers middle finger err.. Metal finger.. whatever.. Cut a line across the back of his head. Until Kaleb got the smart idea to crouch. The man pulled down with him using sheer force. Whether he was screaming or begging for his life Kaleb did not care. Nefarious thrusted upwards like Lionno chanting THundercats and calling people ho's. She glowed red, which meant she was calling her element. As sharp as she was, it would make her even sharper. How else was he able to take down a stone dragon by stabbing it in the spine? Whatever the roofing had been made of would not stop her from ripping through the ceiling and aiming for Teh fuckers flesh. As much as he wanted to pet it and call the fucking thing George and hand it over to LArathia alive. That idea went out the window when it started vomitting its own meals..

It struck home and the thing screamed and retreated, a new hole in the ceiling thatch. The man was struggling mightily to get away from him, terrified of that damn thing. Actually moreso than Kaleb. "Let me go, let me go before it comes back!"

"Would you rather I use your mate? Or your child? Maybe the thing knows how to roast infants over a fire?" Hopefully that would be enough to shut him up. Kaleb was was just fine playing the waiting game till the shithead decided to return. Unfortunately the human might end up having a heart attack before hand. Kaleb in the middle of their living room. The window he had chucked himself through to his right. Where he kept the man incase the creature smartened up and tried doing the same thing. Which left the door that had been shut and locked behind him and to the right as well.. This was a one level building thankfully which meant there was only this level and the cellar. Or so he assumed sincer he saw no stair case. Kaleb unsure of where exactly he had struck the creature, but knowing a scream like that meant he hit it somewhere.. Hopefully right up its ass... Nefarious was brought down and remained that burning red. Whatever blood that had fallen on the sword sizzled away.

The seconds ticked away, it was maddening to have the creature stalking him and unable to find where it was. But while the creature was smart, it was more hungry than smart. The first attempt to behead the other had failed so it decided to just to go that route again. However, it dropped through the thatch to try to land on the bloodthirty werewolf in a clash of claws and teeth.

Moment of opportunity? Why yes... Yes it was... in order for it to even end up ontop of that roof. Kaleb would have had to heard its moving feet, teh scraping of metal armor. HAd he not, then Kaleb wasn't a fucking wolf. The smell of its blood a more likely give away to his trained sense of smell. Had the thing showered? Not likely, and the smell of vomit wasn't like the smell of roses. As it dropped Kaleb dropped to his butt Pulling the Human backwards and onto KAleb to take what ever The creature threw at him. Kaleb went for the kill, Throught the mans back and out his chest NEfarious ripped through. Since the creature was planning on landing on the odd couple, how could it change directions in mid air? The tip of NEfarious aimened for that pocket of flesh beneath the chin, unprotected by bone, hoping to give the monstrosity a Kaleb styled Labotomy. If he failed well, what else was there to hit? the neck, the shoudlers, the face? Lets hope this worked, otherwise Kaleb would be forced to shift into Wolf form.

The slice would surely land but due to the creature being oddly shaped, starved and tormented and flesh crafted, the strike would slice lower. The monstrous creature would lose on of those clawed hands, the appendage twitching and scraping at the floor where it fell. The creature seemed to mind little the bloody loss and began to burrow through the stricken human with claws and teeth and armored feet for the juicy Cadbury egg of the werewolf below.